My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
