the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
