last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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