**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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