how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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