I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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