so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
