it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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