ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
