Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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