Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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