I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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