My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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