New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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