I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
