I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
