I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ttyl tear gas
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
