I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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