I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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