We got so high we made milksteak
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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