If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I sprained my soul last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
