is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
