he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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