This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
