just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
