Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
