Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
