how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
