so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
