I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
