well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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