Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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