I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
