you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
