I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
