There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
