5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
