I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
