i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you never un-have a 4some
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
