found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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