so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I could fuck to npr.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
