I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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