the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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