..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm passing your future prison.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They have beer where we have blood.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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