Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
