DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the day after is always just damage control
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
