dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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