So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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