He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
