So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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